A cry from the heart that wants to live

by Eliane

June 13thEliane-3818
The day of the symposium Positief Geluid was a day full of joy.
A day I was happy to share my music from the heart!
A day to share my positive energy with everyone who was in the meeting!
The day I went home filled with joy for the many compliments I received from all the hiv-positive people I met that day!

June 14th
What a sad day it was. My brother lost his battle for life and passed away.
Diabetes, diabetes, how much I hate you!
But I am not going to give up!
My brother and I were both diagnosed with diabetes since June 1999.
In the same week we visited the Military Hospital in Bujumbura.
Last summer I was telling him that I am hiv-positive and he said ”Eliane, I know we both have diabetes and you are not going to fool me around with hiv, because you look great! Unless you say this because you want to do business!”
Since March this year he was suffering with kidney failure. They tried to do several dialyses. But he did not make it. It makes me so sad when people assume that only people with hiv are the ones that die! In 2012 I have lost a sister to cancer. A cousin of mine died of diabetes. My father died of malaria… I am unable to mention all of them here, because it is a pretty long list!

My point here is: how to survive all these sad moments? What is my strategy?
It is not an easy choice to put yourself first. It may seem selfish, but it is wise to think about yourself in such difficult times. You need to choose what is best for yourself.
So, I tell myself:  “yeah, what happened is sad,  but I am still alive and I am a survivor!
I am not going to be scared now because I just lost my brother to diabetes! More important even to live a healthy life myself, so that I can see my children grow up!”

Refusing to drown
In life we know that we can always ask someone for help, for somebody to talk to.
Life consists of ups and downs! I compare myself to a swimmer in de river. I need to keep my head up, otherwise I will drown.  I refuse to drown in negativity even though lately I was affected by a lot of death in my family. On April 25th my cousin‘s husband died of the consequences of hiv. The same date  as a very important day of our meeting as Ladies Loving Life. I was so much looking forward to celebrate life! I cried for few minutes and I wiped my tears, telling myself: ”here we are, all still alive!. If they would have accepted to take medications, they would have survived, just like we do! Shortly after, on May 3rd, my cousin died as well.

I am still alive and I am going to keep celebrating the life! It is a cry from the heart that wants to live.

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07 2015

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  1. Norbert #

    Dear Eliane, Thank you for sharing this. A problem shared is a problem reduced. When you struggle and overcome difficult times, you come out much stronger and life goes on. You are a strong Lady, keep it up.

  2. 2

    Dear Eliane,
    I’m so sad to read that your brother passed away. My condolances. It is also so good to read how strong you are and how positive you face life. That is a huge gift that needs to be shared, and you are sharing it. Thank you for that!

  3. Gloria Summerville #

    Love love love love

  4. F.M. Howldar #

    Dear i am so proud of you…stay always positive…Love u girl

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